2017-02-13 04:00:00

There is no nice way to put this, but I am not going to be on as much as I was before. However, as Elemental Tide is more home to me than any other game has offered, I feel I owe you all a better explanation than that.

So for those of you who care and want to know, here goes.

I am a student, and as most of you know, that's hard. I am studying Aerospace Engineering, and am well on my way to a degree. I have been interested in space and spaceships since I was a young child, and have always wanted to fly amongst the stars. And as an adult, that dream carries on with a desire to build the machines we use to colonize space. I have always had my head in the clouds. Some of you may be familiar with my jovial and humorous personality, and some of you may find my ability to take even the most serious shit with a grain of salt annoying. Potentially some of you find that refreshing. However, all dreams have to end, and all jokes eventually stop being funny. Life isn't something I, or a lot of people, have figured out, and as such, time becomes a crunch. Balancing your dreams and necessities becomes an everyday battle, and those of us who don't know what we want to do exactly will be overwhelmed. One of the biggest parts of growing up is finding out what you have to do, to make your life work. Either that, or you burn.

I made this mistake, and I didn't balance my time well. Don't worry, I am doing fine in school for now, but physically, I am sick, and mentally... you don't wanna pay my shrink bills. In addition to the workload involved in unlocking all the "It actually is rocket science" jokes I could ever need, I wanted to sleep, work, manage relationships, and to an unbalanced extent, play EVE Online (and other video games). This is no longer a balance I can maintain, and the fat must be trimmed from the meat. I cannot afford to let my grades drop (scholarships), I cannot shut other people out of my life. I am never going to cut those whom I love out of my life, and I need to sleep or I start to look like Gary Buscemi with more hair (and everything else starts to get fucked after that). As someone who regularly slept 0-5 hours a night for months, and slept maybe 10-15 hours on weekends, I can attest that such a lifestyle is exceedingly unhealthy. I may have been happier, but my physical state declined so quickly, that no amount of happiness would show through. I would coast through a day like a zombie, and I cannot allow my life to reach that depth again.

Those of you who have spoken to me not to long ago on TS will know I recently acquired a job, and as such, I must allocate more time to fill shifts. This was the final cobblestone to add to my road, before I had to make a decision. I cannot play games as much anymore. In reality, I am not going to be playing EVE at all for some time. I got on teamspeak to talk to some of you about this, but I can't bring myself to say this shit. It fucks me up inside and I can't understand why. Y'all mental mofo's are my life, you guys are hilarious and make my day everytime I come on. But today I can't speak. I'm dissappointed in mysef. I don't want to get choked up in front of you guys about this, but I have to tell you somehow. I owe you all that much.

I joined MENTL a while back, and quickly found myself amongst a group of people who were amazing. It's the only community I had ever been part of with an incredible crop of fine ass dudes to chill with. We blahped rocks and blahped baddies, all while having a blast. I haven't met a single one of you who wasn't a good person. No other game or group of people has ever made me feel like an actual member. My friendship with you guys is tangible, and that's probably why this hurts so much to do.

I don't want to abandon a set of people that mean so much to me, and I feel so connected to. But I cannot balance my life healthily without cutting something out, and sadly, EVE is the only non-necessity right now. This means I won't be online to FC, and I won't be online to talk. It cuts deep to know how much I have going on with MENTL, and how I have to put that all on the back burner. I hate how I couldn't see this shit earlier, and fix it before it got this bad. I guess that's what I get for not telling others what's up, or asking for help. I'm too damn stubborn, and I finally am paying the price for it. For the time being, I am losing what makes me happy, so I can focus on what will keep me alive.

I am sorry, MENTL. I must dock my ships, and unplug for some time. I will be back, but not for a while. It may very well be 2018 when we next speak, but I will keep hopes high that I may find balance before then.

Farewell, for now.
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